Free b*tch, baby.

Lately, people have been trying to hook me up with their friends. And I really appreciate it, because I know they want me to be happy.
But, I'm not like most people. I don't need to be in a relationship every time I become single. I don't need someone by my side at all times. I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

And for some reason, nobody understands that.

I am single by choice.

For once, I'm actually very happy being single. For once, I don't have someone on my mind at all times. I don't worry about whether or not I've pissed them off. I don't feel like I have to tiptoe around anyone.
For once, I feel free. [As free as my hair?<3]

When I am ready to step out of my comfort zone, I will. After all the crap that happened earlier this month, I'm not exactly ready to let my heart fall into someone's hands. Basically, when it happens, it happens. I'm not pushing it, and neither should anyone else. Just let me have my fun. Haha.

Remember, I'm a free b*tch, baby. <3

Que será, será.

"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing."  ~Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 1876

When a promise is made by someone you trust, you can't help but to believe it, to count on it. Never once do you believe that they'd turn their back on that promise and do the exact opposite.

When I was promised by someone I cared for that they would never hurt me again, and they'd try their best to make up for the pain they caused in the past years, I honestly believed it.

This is one of those times when I wish I listened to everyone who told me to forget about him. But how was I supposed to know that I'd get hurt again? Especially when everything seemed different this time. Especially when he seemed to sincerely care.

And maybe he did.

But let me tell you something, kiddos. When you care for someone, you don't lead them on for a year and a half, only to slap them with, "Oh, I've got feelings for someone else who lives across the state. Here, let me make you feel inadequate and date this girl I've secretly been talking to after I told you I have no intention of dating anyone."

As my friend Candice said, that's cold blooded.

Seriously, who the hell does that?
Oh yeah, that's right..

I cried for about two days when I first told him off  for treating me like hell. And I thought to myself that I still wanted him in my life, but at a distance. The day that I was going to tell him I wanted him to stay in my life was the day he asked the girl out.
Uh, yeah.. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

No exaggeration there. I would have thrown my phone across the house if I believed it was shock proof. Though, I was shaking. I didn't eat dinner that night, either. I was so pissed.

And I still am, though it's better controlled now.
Though, I've never been so angry with someone in my life.. Not even after I was cheated on. In fact, I'd take Aaron cheating on me over this any day.
At least that didn't hurt as bad as the realization that I had been strung along for the past year and a half, hoping and waiting.. and being used in the meanwhile. If I had any clue as to how this would end, I would have never done it in the first place. It would have saved me a damn year and many lost opportunities.

Let me tell you something.. If you're not in a legitimate relationship (meaning there are no labels, and he's [or she] is free to see who he [or she] wants..)  DO NOT turn someone down because you think there's hope for you between you and this person you're waiting on (especially if you DO like them..). More than likely, you're wasting your time waiting.

A whole year wasted and many opportunities lost. Please learn from my mistakes. The pain in the end is not worth the few good times you may have together.


I can't help but look back and wonder how I could be so stupid. I was drowning in a false hope. Though I guess it's kinda hard not to when someone fills you with empty promises and gives you a ring to make you think it's real.
If I could take it all back - even from the very beginning - I would. Maybe it would have saved me three years of pain and confusion.

Everything happens for a reason, right? Well.. What in the hell was the point in this? To gain a better knowledge of assholes, and to know better than to trust someone even though they say those three little words? Because if that's all, that's a pretty crappy life lesson to get from 3 years of this hell.

I can't lie, though. When it was good, all was wonderful: the happiest I've ever been! But as you see, when everything went to hell.. it literally went to hell.

I guess while I'm trying to get over it all, I pray that karma still works. Did you ever stop to think that maybe your life is crap because of all the hell you've created?

Life is as you make it. And I'm working to make mine better. Maybe one day everything will be okay between us, but at this point.. I highly doubt it.

Que será, será. Right?

"Men are not punished for their sins, but by them."  ~Elbert Hubbard